Tresspassers Will Be Blasted, Not
by Oxymoronic Writer
Summary: Jade finds little pleasure in touring the biting cold region of Terror Mountain but stalking the Snowager is something she can't resist...One shot. Please review.


_Trespassers Will Be Blasted - Not_

The mouth of the cave was a gaping hole, bellowing out wafts of ice-cold air. Standing before it, Jade felt like she was slowly freezing to death.

She took a deep breath, and instantly clutched her mouth in pain. It was like swallowing a mouth full of ice cubes fresh out of the freezer. The green Xweetok swore and reached for her thermos, hoping to warm her frozen throat with a good hot drink. But as soon as she felt the icy surface she knew it was no good. The steaming hot coco inside was now a solid cold block of coco-colored ice.

"Great," Jade muttered, "Some tourist attraction this is,"

Really, she'd never liked Terror Mountain. The Xweetok had spent most of her life on Mystery Island, lounging on beaches and roasting in the hot sun. The dramatic change in climate had not been good for her so far.

Every night she slept with five water bottles down by her feet, a fire roaring in the fireplace, the heater on full blast, and three thick quilts burying her in bed, along with earmuffs to cover her extremely sensitive ears. But she still woke up stiff and cold the next morning, often with a runny nose and paws stinging as they thawed.

Why had she gone on this stupid vacation in the first place? A day at the beach was all the rest she needed, and there was nothing exciting about Terror Mountain to make the trip truly memorable…

Except for the Snowager.

Jade knew this was crazy. Hadn't she heard, "Curiosity kills the Meowclops" about a billion times? But as she stared down the ice tunnel, felt frigid wind blowing against her emerald fur, and heard the familiar rumbling of a snoring creature deep in sleep, her sense of adventure was kindled.

She'd had many exciting visits to the Village of Geraptiku and often took a trip to the Haunted Woods for the sake of a spook. How different could the Snowager be?

She could easily die by being frozen, or be blasted by deadly ice sickles.

With a gulp, Jade entered the Snowager's cave, and didn't even look back.

A few minutes later, she was just outside the ice worm's chamber, sneaking a glance at the massive hoard beneath the Snowager's icy coils. She felt like she was trying to steal treasure from a dragon, only she wouldn't be roasted alive if she were caught, (which sounded like a relief under present conditions.)

"Just be cool, and _get that treasure._" Jade urged herself. Being cool was easy, but as for snatching away treasure…

At that point, Jade decided just to stop thinking, stop worrying, and start focusing. Stalking was one of the Xweetok's best skills, and she wasn't about to ruin her reputation now.

She slowly crouched and, very carefully, very stealthily, took off her snow boots. The layer of thick fur between her foot and biting-cold ice didn't make much difference, but it helped enough. Jade then centered her gaze on the ice beast, and without looking at the cave floor, slid forward.

Sliding silently, with extreme care, and very, _very _slowly, Jade soon got into a rhythm. Slide, pause, slide, pause, slide, pause…hours seemed to elapse before she noticed she was getting close.

Finally, she was at the edge of the hoard. But even then, Jade did not relax. She still didn't have her treasure, and wasn't out of the cave yet after all. For the first time since she'd entered the cave, her eyes left the Snowager's closed lids, and she scanned the mountain of stashed items.

There wasn't anything good on the edge, just broken toys, key rings and junk food. A little beyond that, were more valuable items, like codestones, dubloons, and bottled faeries. And near the top, right by the Snowager's head, was a pile of paintbrushes, and other rare items.

Jade hesitated for a minute, then made the dumbest decision she'd ever made. She started climbing towards the top of the pile, eyes fixed on a faerie paintbrush.

At first, the theft was going great. She stalked more slowly than ever, numb from cold and mind completely blank save one thought; she had to get that brush.

Perched on a box of golden dubloons, paw on the handle of the brush, Jade began to smile. Everyone would remember her for this. But just as she was about to lift her treasure, about to triumph over the creature hardly anyone had ever beaten as badly as she was about to, it happened.

She sneezed.

The steady, deep rumbling of the ice worm's snore came to a halt, and there was a slight stir. Then Jade froze with terror, as with a sleepy moan the Snowager's huge glistening head and neck rose up slowly before the Xweetok's eyes, it's back to her. Items tumbled down the stash mountain, shifted from place by the ice monster's movement.

For a split second, Jade was tempted to make a dash for it, while the Snowager wasn't looking. But her chances of making it were pretty slim. Her escape plan came and went in a flash, and then the beast turned around to peer at her.

Clear, glass-like eyes stared straight into Jade's bright green ones. The Snowager blinked, then frowned. It was strange to see an ice brow crinkle. Jade really couldn't have imagined it unless she'd seen it for herself. Now she watched the Snowager's confused expression in terror, waiting to see what would happen.

The ice beast spoke, it's voice high and breathy, like a chorus of whispers, "You'd think that you pets would give me a break once in awhile." It stopped frowning, and looked annoyed, "Every time I let down my guard you spend every minute you can trying to rob me." It looked away sadly, "I used to have such fun scaring you off, but lately it's been very tiresome."

It saw the paintbrush still held in Jade's paw, and sighed. Jade gasped in pain as biting cold breath enveloped her. The Snowager lifted it's head higher, towering over it's mountain of treasure, glaring down at Jade, it's glassy eyes flashing, "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid it's my job. You'll have to be blasted now."

It took a deep breath…

"I'm sure that's not necessary!" Jade managed to squeak, cringing under the beast's icy gaze, "After all, I haven't REALLY stolen anything! I was just – uh – enjoying the sights! I'm just a tourist enjoying these beautiful, very cold, extremely um, clean caves!" She did her best to give an ingratiating smile.

The Snowager paused, "But they told me if I was ever woken up by an intruder, then I was to blast it like the greedy little pet deserved," it said, somewhat confused.

Jade didn't know who "they" could be, but she wasn't about to let "their" influence get her blasted to death, "But I'm not a greedy little pet," she pointed out logically, "So you won't have to blast me, right?"

The Snowager looked from her to the paintbrush in the Xweetok's paw. Jade quickly let go of the brush and gave it a nice polishing with her cloak, "Just cleaning it for you."

"Well, if you're not a greedy pet, and you're not going to steal my treasure…"

"Then you'll let me go?" Jade asked hopefully.

"Oh no please don't go! I hardly ever have guests, except when _they _come in to check on me, and they just aren't pleasant enough. I can offer you pop sickles if you're hungry," It added with a slight smile.

Jade's jaw dropped. _Don't be an idiot, _she chided herself, _Stay here for tea or something and you'll never come out again! _But despite her better judgment, she blurted, "Sure!"

It wasn't that bad. The Snowager turned out to be very courteous host. Soon it and Jade were chatting and laughing, though from outside it must have sounded a bit freaky. The Snowager's laugh was hoarse and high, and Jade had to clench her fists to keep them from rudely covering her sensitive ears. It was dark by the time she finally left,

"Take a souvenir with you! Anything!" The Snowager urged.

Jade paused. Her eyes flicked toward the paintbrush.

But really, she mused, it didn't seem fair. She'd been caught, and only by the ice worm's kindness, (and slight stupidity,) had she managed to leave the Snowager's cave so easily. How, after all that, could she walk of with such a precious possession?

"I'll just have a key ring," she said with a grin.

**Author's Note:** This is a story that I've tried submitting to the Times, but it is apparently one of those "Not good enough" ones. So if you guys could please review and tell me what I can fix, PLEASE DO! 


End file.
